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Greasy Spoon Gossip and News with 'Arry and Mike

March 31, 2018

Written by:



"When I get older losing my hair.  Many years from now."

“Sandra, I’m not meaning to sound rude,” said ‘Arry as he surveyed his breakfast plate that was stacked up with delicious but unhealthy item, “but when you offered extras, I thought we could choose?  I’ve got five hash browns here?”


“I think this is a way to get Stephen Cavalar here for more hash brown deliveries,” I theorised whilst quickly sipping my boiling hot builder’s strength cuppa.


“Behave yourself lads!” Sandra replied coyly.  “do you think I’m giving out extra helpings of hash browns just to get B. Taylor Deliveries to send him more often?  I can’t believe you’d think that of me.”


“To be fair though Sandra,” ‘Arry chuckled as our friend placed down his five-shot venti, 2/5th decaf, ristretto shot, one pump Vanilla, one pump Hazelnut, breve, one sugar in the raw, with whip, caramel drizzle on top, free poured, one pump mocha that he ordered, “I have noticed that you two have a bit of chemistry.”


“Do you really think so ‘Arry?!” Sandra said beaming with delight, “that’s not what Mike said this morning when he first walked in!”


“Actually Sandra,” I replied, “what I said was that your two’s chemistry is nothing compared to what Millwall have at the moment with us fans.  It is electric at The Den at moment and both the fans and the players are thriving off each other.  Neil Harris even mentioned it after we beat Forest yesterday, it’s a connection that other club would love to have.”


I place my rucksack on top of the plastic red tartan table cloth and slowly pull out my iPad to read this week’s news at The Den.  I firmly press the small button at the top of my rectangular device, and my screen illuminates with life.  As the page loads I take another sip out of my hot beverage whilst I wait for Sandra to bring over my order.


“This has been an amazing week,” I say to ‘Arry as I move my rucksack out of the way to make way for my beans and scrambled eggs on toast, “but what is really starting to cheese me off is the time it’s taking Sandra to bring over my brekkie, my eggs nearly hatched by the time she brought them over.”


“Well you can blame Jed Wallace and Neil Harris for that Mike!” ‘Arry said, slightly puzzled at how a baby chick can come out of an egg that has been scrambled in a microwaveable bowl, “did you see NewsatDen in the week?  Jed said he would love a full house at The Den when we played Forest, and Chopper backed that up by asking the fans to do their bit and turn up in force.  Sandra told me since more people have turned up it’s been harder to find the time to serve everyone!”


“Well she needs to think about her loyal customers and our needs!” I moaned, “I’m over 30 as well now so need it sorted or I’ll end up going to another café!”


“Cor you sound just like Shaun Williams, Michael,” Sandra shouted from behind the light blue counter, “He said he was getting a bit worried that the club had waited until he had triggered the right amount of games, but unlike you he stayed loyal and knew it would come eventually.”


“You sound more like Dave!” ‘Arry laughed, “he used to say that rewards would come eventually, but he used to spend more than £30 a time and get nowhere.  I wonder how my mate is getting on wherever he is…”


“Leave it out ‘Arry!” I said, struggling to contain the tea that I coughed out of my mouth in surprise at ‘Arry’s perceived friendship, “you always used to bang on about what a wally he is.  Anyway, it’s not just him that’s gone, Mick McCarthy has just said he’ll leave Ipswich at the end of the season.”


“I can’t wait for Ipswich Mike,” ‘Arry said excitedly running his hands together, “we’ve got our tickets and I’m really looking forward to it!”


“Not just you mate,” I concur, “I’m right up for it too and even Neil Harris said he isn’t looking past the game on Monday even though we are on this great run!  I might listen to Nick Hart and Harry on Love Sport on the way up, it was a good show last night and poor Harry seemed gutted that Tunnicliffe is out the side at the moment.”


“That he did Mike,” ‘Arry said, “that he did.  Anyway, do you want to hear what’s been happening at the Lionesses?





As I sat there drinking away at my coffee I couldn’t help but be disappointed at the postponement last night.  I turned to Mike who was wrapped up warm in his new big fluffy coat which he had bought from the GSF warehouse emporium.

"I can’t believe it got called off," I groaned, "it wasn’t that bad, my hair stayed in tact so it clearly wasn’t that bad."

"Did seem a bit of an odd one to call off," Mike agreed, "when will they re-arrange it for?"

"No idea mate, I answered, "although next time I’m going to get myself a Costa coffee from my local to take with me, it was too cold the other night."

"Mate you’re going coffee crazy!" Mike laughed "Sheffield Sunday, how do you think they will fare?"

"I think another 3 points hopefully," I answered, "if they play how they did against Oxford they shouldn’t have a problem!"

"Just waiting for Donny to slip up," Mike said, "just like my bloody egg which has slipped off my fork and gonna all down my new hi vis jacket!"

"Why are you wearing a high vis anyway?" I asked.

"I told the Missus I was doing a bit of plumbing otherwise I weren't allowed out?" Mike said between tea sips.

"What did you do to get in trouble?" I laughed.

"Well I saw the Lionesses party atmosphere after games on twitter so I tried throwing one in my house," Mike answered, "it didn’t go down to well."

"You really are a plonker aren’t you?" I laughed, "why and how did you think you would get away with that?!  They always seem to do it, I think it shows great team togetherness.  It’s like when Sandra and myself went on the dance floor when we went Pontins."

"Not sure about that 'Arry!" Mike chuckled.  "You were a bit rusty that day, turns were pretty off."

"There’s a lot of competition for Sunday’s game," I said as I sipped my coffee that Sandra took fifteen minutes to make, "and it will be a tough choice for Lee Burch to pick his starting eleven."

"A good competitive squad is what is needed," Mike said, proudly puffing his chest out, "just like me, you, Sandra and the fruit machine pro Dave."

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