"Ag-a-doo-doo-doo, push pineapple, shake the tree.
Aga-doo-doo-doo, push pineapple, grind coffee"
"I've got the right hump Mike," said 'Arry, whilst peering over the top of his almond milk latte in the clubhouse-turned-café. "You said after the Lionesses game, we would jump in the motor and go on a nice sunny holiday by the sea."
"We are on a sunny holiday!" I said back, trying to shout over the crying four year old directly outside the door, who was wailing after the claw had again dropped her teddy right by the winning chute.
"It's a Sun holiday! And by the sea you meant we are at a Pontins in Great Yarmouth!" screamed 'Arry, before wiping the coffee froth off of the tip of his nose. "Even Dave and Sandra have ended up coming with us!"
"Yeah sorry about that mate," I replied, "but the entertainment passes were for four people and I didn't want to lose the money I'd laid out already.
"You cut the tokens out of the papers from the café and used Dave's winnings from last week!" 'Arry ranted. "I'm sharing a chalet with Sandra, and am right next to the clubhouse. Seriously, the constant Village People they put on is driving me mad. Anyway, you got a paper or your iPad? I wanna see what's been happening this week at the club."
The waitress comes over and she takes 'Arry's order of a bacon and sausage sandwich and a skinny caramel macchiato. While we wait, we fire up the iPad.
"Where's Sandra anyway 'Arry?" I ask, wondering where our usual Bermondsey waitress is.
"She's still in bed mate, she started playing bingo and after a few games all she got was a few corners. Then towards the end, she got a full house and won big. Stayed out celebrating all night and now just thinks she'll have a quiet one."
"Bit like Millwall on Saturday mate, started slow but ended the game really well and won big! She isn't the only one who wants a quiet one mate, lot of fans are happy we drew Rochdale. Reckon it'll be quiet but we'll go through to the next round."
We read on how Tony Craig thinks it was a good day for the academy and the players who have broken through, with praise being heaped on Aiden O'Brien, Fred Onyedinma and Ben Thompson who were on the score sheet.
"Thought they done really well the young players. Really gave Neil Harris a headache." I said.
"It's not just the Millwall kids who give people a headache is it?" came a gruff voice from behind me. I turn round and see Dave who's tongue is luminous blue. He pulls up a seat to continue his rant. "Those bloody kids last night who were busy Star Trekking before the Bucks Fizz tribute band were doing my head in. You'd think all those kids clubs would wear them out?"
"They're on holiday Dave," laughed 'Arry, "why's your tongue blue anyway? Too many WKD's?"
"No," said Dave chuckling, "got a slush puppy from the tuck shop next to the fruity. Only when I put in a fiver did I realise it only gives out those poxy tickets to use in their little window. Good to see Bucks Fizz back on stage weren't it?"
"Tell you else who came back, Harry Smith." I said, gently gliding my finger over the iPad's cold glass. "Played for the under-23's the other day."
"Well I do hope with him they end up Makin' Their Mind Up!" shouted 'Arry. "Get it? Bucks Fizz?"
"You wanna lay off the caffeine 'Arry." I said, gently leaning back into the maroon leather arm chair. "Someone else who needs to make his mind up though is Lee Gregory. Only got few months left on his contract but says here Chopper thinks he'll sign up for a bit longer. I'll be happy if he stays."
We keep scrolling through the pages and see that another player looks like he may be making a move. "It's not just us who's going away for a while. Jamie Philpot is going back out on loan again apparently after coming back from Woking."
"Pretty decent return he had there I read," said Dave, who was taking rusty, brown tuppence from his back pocket. "Got five goals apparently, I'd be happy with that. Tell you what I will be happy with, when I nick that kid's money that she's just put in the 2p machine." And with that, like a moth to a flame, Dave flapped his wings over to the tempting lights of the arcade.
"Makes you laugh really," said 'Arry, watching Dave wait til just the right time to put in his copper. "He nearly ripped my throat out the other week when I took his tenner."
"Don't worry about him 'Arry," I laughed, "I only invited him cos his motor is bigger than mine. What's been happening with the Lionesses?"
A tough week it has been, but a good one after the Lionesses managed to come from one down to win 2-1 on Sunday, thanks to a brace from Ella Rutherford.
I was now more interested in the menu and what the bar/cafe had to offer me, maybe a Billie Brooks tackle or a Megan Wynne sprint? Could I even tempt myself for a mighty Brionne Fowle burger?
Me and Mike were both at the game Sunday and were pleased with the Lionesses resilient defending. We defended like a frozen sausage, very hard to break into. A rather cold Sunday it was, however we made sure we stayed in the only part of the ground where the sun shone. I hope the sausages stayed frozen!
Arriving in the café we reflected back on the game, looking at the positives and what we thought we lacked.
"Thought we didn’t look our best Sunday" I said, "probably due to the massive gap in between the last game, what do you think mate?"
"We weren't bad," agreed Mike, "but we weren't at our best Sunday. Saying that good teams can have a bad game and still get 3 points. A sign of real contenders this year."
"Agreed. I thought Ella Rutherford had a blinder, she’s like a mouse with some cheese when she’s on the ball!" I said, as the waitress brought over my third coffee of the morning - a tall hazelnut latte with a cinnamon frosting,"you are just not getting it off of her! Unless you injure her that is! In which case I’ll get some more bubble wrap."
"Yeah she had a really good game and deserved a brace," said Mike slurping his builder's strength tea. "Thought our defence played well, the whole team put in a shift but I’ll be putting in more of a shift on my full English right here!
"I don’t think Lee will add or get rid of anyone this window we seem to have the right amount of players and a great squad balance. We have a team togetherness and a tight group." I said, admiring my breakfast the waitress had placed in front of me, "not as tight as the bacon and sausage stuffed between my two pieces of bread here though."
"We don’t really need anyone," Mike suggested, "he has built such a good squad and additions could upset the balance. You going Sunday against Spurs?"
"Of course," I said, as I dipped my small complimentary biscuit into my coffee. "I’m expecting another 3 points and being a point off the top spot."
"Fourteen league games unbeaten that will be, just how far can they go?
"I asked Dave last night on the fruit machine and he said he’s going for the jackpot so I’m guessing the Lionesses will be as well." I laughed.
"He won’t ever win, he wastes his money." Mike shrugged. "Any news on Leigh Nicol?"
"Hopefully she will be back for Sunday," I said, "hopefully the sneeze disease has gone and we can see more slide tackles rather than snot rockets!"
"Well that’s put me off my breakfast!" Mike said, pushing his half eaten plate towards me.
It was at this point that Sandra walked in, with last nights pink blouse and dust covered cream trousers on, and a smell of stale Pinot Grigio on her breath.
"Tell you what lads," she said, as she mopped up Mike's bean juice with his soggy hash brown. "If I hear YMCA one more time this holiday, I'm walking back to Bermondsey."